david cook fckin rocks! haha. he should definitely win american idol! =] his version of mariah's always be my baby is so awesome! and his other songs are really, really good. =]

ALWAYS BE MY BABY
We were as one, babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free, yeah
So I'm letting you fly
'cause I know in my heart, babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry, no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave, girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably,
You'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart, babe
Our love will never end, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back, girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh
I know that you'll be right back, baby
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my, my baby

you'll always be my baby. damn.

[ 2 scream! ]

it had been a very, very exhausting week for me. i took the Advance Placement Exam for incoming freshmen students in UP. gahd! it was so damn hard commuting for three days! commuting with no parents! haha. i was with Jill, my highschool classmate, since she took it too.

i did something really, really stupid. i missed one test cause i misread the fckin schedule. sooooo stupid right? i worked my ass of pa to study and to commute on the last day to know na i don't have a test pala. so Jill took her test while i waited for her to finish. i went to Robinsons alone. i realized that it's fun to go to malls on your own =] nakapagshopping tuloy ako! haha.

after Jill's test, we went to MOA to meet up with Mariel and Kath. saya! playing ps2 and wii was so so so fun!! super fun ng tennis sa wii!

since i realized that going to mall by yourself is fun, i did it again! haha. i went to sm yesterday on my own. i had my facial and i bought some groceries: tortillos, skittles, head and shoulders, and fox. haha.

i left the mall at around 6pm. i even took the wrong jeep. but it was ok cause i did that before. i rode another jeep and then another one. i decided to walk the short distance between the jeep's last stop and our house. while walking home, i wore the hood of my jacket. emo noh? haha. i was listening to urbandub pa. i walked pass this group of people tapos one of them sang, it was like screaming, the chorus of will you ever learn by typecast. in my head, i wanted to shout at him and tell him that i don't listen much to typecast. haha. pakialam ba nila kung gusto ko maglakad na may hood sa ulo diba? kanya-kanyang trip man! sila nga nakatambay lang eh. haha

in my heart you'll stay permanent. fuck.

[ 10 scream! ]

i can't believe i'm saying this but I'M HELLA EXCITED TO GO TO SCHOOL!! yeah boii, college na! i'm kinda tired of being at home. even if i'm not always at home. i want to be busy! i want to experience college life! i'm really, really happy that i'll be studying in a very popular school. i just hope i can survive it.

here are the reasons why i'm excited:
1. because i'll be studying at UP Manila baby! BS Occupational Therapy. Student num. 2008 - 10999.
2. new experience. i'm finally leaving my previous school which i was studying for 11 years.
3. BOYS. duuuuh! after a heart breaks, it needs to mend with the help of a new love. the only remedy for love is to love more right?
4. because robinson's ermita is right in front of UP.
5. new friends.
6. commute everyday.
7. to get my mind away from him.
8. to be busy.

but classes will start on the 10th of June. there are still more requirements to pass: dental and physical exams, and enrollment crap. i have one big problem: i need something from our school's registrar for the enrollment in UP on May 8, but i can't get it because the school is closed and it will open on May 15. i hope i can get it through my aunt.

i miss you with every beat of my heart. fuck.

[ 13 scream! ]

i can't believe it. all he said before were lies. but when he said that, i thought they were real. and maybe HE thought they were. i believed everything he said. i felt loved and happy when i read those sweet and touching text messages. i can't even bring myself to erase those 477 text messages. i can't and i don't want to. i don't want to forget him. is that wrong? cause the truth is, even if i feel the pain these couple of days or even weeks... i felt loved and cared about for more than 2 months. i really felt that he genuinely loved me. and i loved him back the same way he did. but there were times when i thought that i might have loved him more. and maybe i did. but there were also times when i can feel that he loved me more.

it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. right?

it just sucks cause i really believed everything he said. like FOREVER, that he'll do everything for me, he'll sin for me. he even said that summer sucks without me. that all he wanted to do this summer was to be with me, to spend each day with me. CRAP.

i thought he'll be man enough to do what he wants, to follow his heart not his mom. i just feel really, really bad cause i thought we can make it. i'm up for a relationship that's a secret, but he's not. that's how much he loves his mom.

but where there is love, the impossible can be attained. that's what they say. but maybe not for us. blood is thicker than water.

but he should follow his heart. not what's right! cause there is nothing right or wrong in love. he should be a thrill seeker. he should sometime break the rules. he's not a kid anymore, he has a mind to think and do what he wants.

summer's filled with breaking the rules and standing apart, ignoring your head and following your heart.

but i came to realize that maybe this is what he wants. i just need to accept it and move on. but there's a part of me that doesn't want to move on. there's a part of me that wants to stay. there's a part of me that's full of blissful hope. why does this have to be so hard?! i'll wait even longer. i know it's painful but something inside of me is saying that he'll come back. that he'll miss me and we'll be in touch again. argh. come what fuckin may.

[ 7 scream! ]